Credit: Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

For a summary of the book: Wikisummaries: Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

For an introduction to the concepts: Interested in improving your relationships? Try Nonviolent Communication

This page is a refresher of reading the Crucial Conversations book and course.

Contents:

• 1. Get unstuck by using CPR
• 2. Start with heart
• 3. Master my stories
• 4. STATE my path
• 5. Learn to look
• 6. Make it safe
• 7. Create mutual purpose via CRIB
• 8. Explore others' paths via AMPP
• 9. Move to action via WWWF

Get unstuck by spotting conversations that are keeping me from what I want, then unbundling them by talking about the "CPR" abbreviation.

• Content: the current single instance of a problem

• Pattern: any pattern of behavior over time

• Relationship: how the problem is affecting my relationship with the other person

Start with heart to keep my focus on what I really want.

• What am I behaving like I want?

• What results do I really want, for myself, for others, for the relationship, for the organization?

• How would I behave if I really did?

Master my stories -- even when I'm angry, scared, or hurt -- by separating facts from stories.

Skill: Tell the rest of the story by asking three questions.

• What am I pretending not to notice about my role in the problem? Watch out for any "victim" story.

• Why would a reasonable, rational, decent person do this? Watch out for any "villian" story.

• What should I do right now to move toward what I really want? Watch out for any "helpless" story.

STATE my path by speaking persuasively, not abrasively.

• Share my facts.

• Tell my story.

• Ask for others' paths.

• Talk tentatively.

• Encourage testing.

Learn to look for when when safety is at risk.

• Look for when a conversation becomes crucial.

• Look for silence and violence in myself and others.

Make it safe to talk by restoring safety.

• When there is a clear problem, then ensure mutual respect by apologizing, and ensure mutual purpose by stating it or creating it.

• When there is a misunderstanding, use the "Contrast" concept.

Create mutual purpose by using "CRIB" abbreviation.

• Commit to seek mutual purpose.

• Recognize the purpose behind the strategy.

• Invent a mutual purpose, such a a more creative purpose, or higher purpose.

• Brainstorm new strategies.

Explore others' paths by using the "AMPP" abbreviation.

• Ask to get things rolling.

• Mirror to confirm feelings.

• Paraphrase to acknowledge the store.

• Prime when I'm not getting anywhere.

Move to action by using the "WWWF" abbreviation.

• Who is working on actions?

• What actions are happening?

• When are actions complete?

• Followup planning: how/when will we follow up?