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igrainmaster's Introduction

shitting

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igrainmaster's Issues

This is an abomination and an insult to my people

I'm sorry I had to make this public, @bigswag420, but this needs to be said.

I thought we had settled our differences. I thought we were at peace with one another. I thought we could both walk away from that conversation and agree that everyone is entitled to their own ridiculous opinion (even if that opinion is so ridiculous it suggests grain is superior to berries). Apparently one of us could not.

You continue to promote the baseless narrative that simple peasant grain rivals fresh, ripe, juicy berries when such a conclusion could not be be further from the truth. Indeed, your glorified dust seeds pale in comparison to the gumption of the grape, tremble at the challenge of the cranberry, and faint in the presence of the pepper. The supple flesh of a berry is ecstasy - who can resist it? But grain is hopeless in its lifetime and achieves nothing under the sun. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust... such is the life of wheat and barley. They grow from the dust to die in the dust, and what is preserved of their cold, lifeless bodies is ground to dust by man. iGrainMaster claims authority of naught but a bland death bowl, and they inherit the fruits of their labor only in the most ironic interpretation of the word.

"But lberrymage," you say, "surely this is your biased opinion as Mage of the Berries. Is there not a connoisseur of cuisine to mediate our quarrel?"

You need look no further than Remy the Rat, the undisputed champion of chefs. Even you cannot deny the legitimacy of his verdict. As can be seen in Exhibit A, Remy is clearly ingesting a strawberry, which although is not a berry in the botanical sense, is most definitely a berry in the culinary sense.

image
Exhibit A

This obvious decision makes Remy's preference for berries over grain most apparent and renders one's preference for any other food obscene and a violation of human nature.

I see only two ways to bring this situation to a peaceable end:

  1. Perform the Internet apology ritual challenge (impossible)
  2. Wait in angst for your inevitable doom as the proverbial fire approaches your precious grain silos, knowing not whether your ugly brown kernels of boredom personified will ever see the sun again.

I urge you to consider what is right and true in your response lest your croissant spontaneously combust in the presence of my fire Minecraft™️ Hypixel™️ Duels skills.

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